Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
