Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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