when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
