oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
