we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
