Please, let me fuck your mom
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
