my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
