I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize