sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
