soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
