Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
