She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
where are you?
Hypothermia
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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