i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Barsexuality is the new black.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
