he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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