I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
