you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
