That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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