I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
