i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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