I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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