Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
