i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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