I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
