My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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