i wish my penis had a tongue
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
tell me about the eggs
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
