I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He passed out mid-signature
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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