Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
