Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
