Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
