Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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