I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
