i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
