If that was your dad, he is hot
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
