i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
