I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
