Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
