you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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