Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
