Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
