also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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