let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
