I'm jealous of your bromance
she woke up with a sticky ear
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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