they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
