I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
