i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
