i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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