So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
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