Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
