I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
