apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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