What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
