The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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