i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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