She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
