I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
