I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
