I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
