He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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