We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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