plz talk dirty to me
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize