A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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