I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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