so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
