Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
