I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
