My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You may now shotgun with the bride
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
