dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
