I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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