I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize