but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
